Road Number 125, after a long time he came into this way. Though he was walking alone and for nothing. And he was watching at the rooftop corner, where she used to sit. He was remembering that night, when they were watching a boat on the front side lake. He was remembering those nights, when he dropped her right there. Those beautiful days, those wonderful moments. Waiting for each other on the road or somewhere else. Now there's nothing left, all become past !! He was thinking about what they had lost, and what they have really had. They had made their decision together. Though it was hard, but he did it for their both, for her better future, a better career [not 'life']. But now, after all these days, she said him 'selfish', she said him 'self defensive'. How could she say that? how could she? He was selfish because he wanted to be with her more, he wanted to love her more.. is that selfishness? He remained quiet and gave no reply while she said him all these. Was it self defensive behavior !! No !! He was respectful to her, and he will always be. 

Can anyone give me a little light to see the path..

The sun had set a long ago, and now its getting darker..

I am lost and restless.. I am alone and broken..

I am no more the same as I was.. because time forced me to be..

But my pockets are still full of dreams and vague memories..

I need to go where I belong..
i need to prove all her thoughts were wrong..
Is there anybody here, who can give me a little light..

A Solitary Night Walk

I don't know why am I so depressed all the time. I can't take stress anymore, I feel so isolated.. I am fed up with my life !! Now the headache joins with all these too. The only thing I'm afraid of, the only thing that can destroy me so easily. Took the 3rd shot of 60mg Caffeine, but it still feels the same. I guess I've got a really bad cold. I can't breathe properly, and can't hear anyone clearly from the morning either. Thousands of thoughts, thousands of question, but I've no one to share. Sometimes life seems so meaningless. I was supposed to shave my face and get a haircut tonight, otherwise I won't have my dinner at my place.. Ammu said 'I will not let you eat here, in this house, until you cut your hair..!! do you know you are looking like a criminal' !! but I really don't think so.. [or may be its true...]

I was walking through the 68[A]th road of Gulshan 2, near the north park lake. It was truly amazing. I've dropped some photographs to my clients apartment there, collect the bill and then started walking aimlessly near by. I wish I had someone with me then !! After a long time, finally I had got a chance to make this walk. Roads were quieter than usual because it was friday night, nearly 9:10pm on my watch. Fortunately it was a full moon night too. Rained a lot in the morning so the weather was cool, sky was clear.. air was fresh and so light that if you didn't want to breathe, it will get inside of you. Every time when it was blowing over me, I felt like someone was touching me with her cold and soft fingers. I really wish I had someone with me then. While I'm crossing the 59th road, I found a girl with belly flowers on a small clay pot, wearing a white dress, no shoes, age wasn't more than 10 for sure. She was running towards me with her smiling face, and trying to convince me to buy some. haha she didn't know that i was already convinced when I saw, she has belly flowers on her pot.. truly incredible fragrance..


[P.S. no haircut.. no dinner.. ]

Someone Special

Poets of the Fall

I wake up to the sound of rain upon my sill 

Pick up the pieces of my yesterday old thrill 

Can I deliver this used up shiver, To how I pronounce my life 

And I leave it up to faith to go by its own will 

Back row to the left, a little to the side, Slightly out of the place 

Look beyond the light, where you'd least expect there's someone special 

A foggy morning greets me quietly today 

I smell a fragrance in the wind blowing my way 

And ever further I run to find her, I yearn to define my life 

Placing my faith in chance to meet me in half way 

Back row to the left, a little to the side, Slightly out of the place 

Look beyond the light, where you'd least expect there's someone special 

And she's here to write her name, on my skin with kisses 

In the rain, hold my head and ease my pain in a world that's gone insane 

Back row to the left, a little to the side, slightly out of the place 

Look beyond the light, where you'd least expect there's someone special

Such a terrible start. Now, I got to know how careless I am about my life. I went to bed 3 hours ago from now, tried my best to sleep for a while, but I could hardly close my eyes, that really didn't make any sense to me so I left my bed and started for my exam, my semester final exam. It took an hour and 15 minutes to be here. [slept 40minutes on the bus] I guess if I took a walk I could reach here 20 minutes ago, but I was feeling so bad that I could barely stand on my feet. Anyways, I went to the exam hall at 8:45am [15 minutes late though..] and no one was there. So I called a classmate, and he said exam will be on 18th April, which means I took the wrong date, poor me, sigh !! so what do I do now? I come here, in our Department Lab, need to check some emails and have to find some flight costs. I've noticed that a girl sat just next to me a minute ago. I don't know whats wrong with her, why is she looking at me like this. like I'm a monster or a criminal.. i'm not supposed to be here.. i shouldn't touch the computer.. [and she's still looking at me..]

Last night's storm incredibly worked on me. it healed the pain of 14th april.. i've never seen 3 hours lightning after the rain in my life. It was for the first time. It was scary, it was beautiful and I couldn't stop myself but walk on the rain. Raindrops were so cold that i couldn't feel my body at all after 20 minutes walking on it. I looked up, and tried to see raindrops while it's thundering, but drops were so big that I could hardly open my eyes.. so I just keep my eyes close, and raindrops were kissing my face softly..

Fatherhood, undoubtedly an amazing word in this world. and so for my brother too. He became father 2 weeks ago, at the age of 25 and made me uncle as well. haha. He was the first one in our family, who married at the age of 23, right after his graduation, it was so early. He was young but the most mature among our cousins.. anyways, don't get wrong. its me. holding my nephew on my arm!

I do like babies from the very beginning, and now its started working on me, its making me crazy! When will I be a father too? When will I hear that someone's calling me father? I know its not a joke or fun to become a father. It will be a great responsibility, a great challenge, and it will be the biggest commitment of my life. Will I be a good father? Will I be capable of caring my baby? I guess I can take care of them a lot and i will. I'll be there for them until my last sun will set.

Ashab Al Suffa

Exactly 10 days have passed, and you are still lying on the NICU bed !! I know what you are going through.. but don't worry, soon your dry lips will become wet, you tears will be disappeared.. I promise you'll be fine soon chacchu..

You know what happened today, when I stood just beside your bed ? When I touched your body softly with my index finger, you opened your eyes and then laughed slightly.. incredible smile.. The nurse was saying 'oh! you are playing with your father !!' God !! do I really look like a father? It started echoing on my ears.. I look like a father !! May be for my messy curly hair and angry face.. haha anyways, it just made my day !!

Twenty Facts

I am thin.. I am tall.. I sleep 4 hours a day..
I have so many black dots on my whole body..
I like listening rather than talking with someone..
I can make anyone bore within 5 minutes..
I like to do things in my own ways, even if its wrong..
I am emotional, which is very much unfortunate..
I used to get hurt and lose the things I love most..
I used to keep my anger and pain inside of me..
I like to walk on the city roads aimlessly hours after hours..
I love to poke one's mind to see what is really going on in there..
I like to be alone like others like work, friends, sex or bla bla..
I love green.. it controls my thought & emotions  incredibly..
I hate noise.. I hate crowd.. I hate to work..
I love complexity and deep conversations.. 
I am a true believer and am conservative minded..

I love night times, love the dark quiet solitudeness..

I am a nonsmoker, and have never tried any alcohol..
I have a black wrist band on my right hand for last 6 years..
I'm completely a tea sucker.. I take tea, more than water..
And one last truth is I am good for nothing..